youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
