Got a toothbrush?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
