We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
