margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Small penises have feelings too.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
