He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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