I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize