Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
