you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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