Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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