You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
