we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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