Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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