The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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