And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
