It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just cut my nipple shaving
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
my poor anus
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
