dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize