Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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