Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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