allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
