Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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