He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize