The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I want to be your penis for a week.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
