i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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