Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
