I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize