Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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