The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
