Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
