how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
