Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
