Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
