at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
