How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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