How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
