I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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