Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
