WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
