I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she smelled like a LAN party
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
