you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
