I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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