just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
