what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
