I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
