I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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