The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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