i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
