I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
