I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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