i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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