You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
