Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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