I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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