hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
