i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize