Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
