At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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