love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
