Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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