If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The best revenge is premature balding
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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