I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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