I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
