i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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