Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
