i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
