): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize