Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
