last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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