I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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